


Broken

by mountain_ash



Series: So Many Lost Chances [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Castiel Calls Dean Out, Confessions, Episode: s06e20 The Man Who Would Be King, Ficlet, Originally Posted on Tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-30 08:54:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15748422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mountain_ash/pseuds/mountain_ash
Summary: Dean makes Castiel explain why he went to Crowley.





	Broken

**Author's Note:**

> Originally on [tumblr](http://a-mountain-ash.tumblr.com/post/177214542730/broken) and based on the second gif in [this](http://inacatastrophicmind.tumblr.com/post/176700110323) gifset!

"No, you had a choice. You just made the wrong one." The disappointment in Dean's face will break him, he's sure of it. Whatever happens to him when all of this is done, Cas will be ruined by the pain he has caused Dean, but he can't change that.

"You don't understand. It's complicated." I never wanted him involved in this. He should never have become involved. If I could have just saved Sam properly, they wouldn't be here right now.

"No, actually, it's not, and you know that. Why else would you keep this whole thing a secret, huh, unless you knew it was wrong? When crap like this comes around, we deal with it… Like we always have. What we don't do is we don't go out and make another deal with the Devil!"

That's where Castiel snaps. Dean has no right. He may be the Righteous Man, but the ground he stands upon is far from holy.

"How dare you?" He roars. Dean takes a step back from the indignant fury suddenly written in the lines of his face. "We make deals with the Devil all the time. Your father made a deal to save you. You made a deal to save your brother and got the apocalypse running. Your brother literally made bed with a demon."

He watches Dean's face tighten as he hurls indictment after indictment upon him. They are not above Castiel. Their choices are no holier.

"If you want to be angry at me because I kept a secret or because I damaged your brother, then fine. I am guilty of those crimes. But you do not get to play jury for a crime you have also committed. I did this to protect you, Dean. You were free and you were safe and I chose the lesser of two evils in order to keep you that way."

Dean stares back at him with a stricken face, his green eyes illuminated by the angry red holy fire. Castiel doesn't know what he expects from the eldest Winchester in the face of these truths. He has never admitted fault easily, despite the intensity of his self-loathing. Tears are beginning to swell in the corners of his eyes and Castiel can't keep pace with his ever-evolving emotions.

"But why though, Cas? Why was letting me have that life so important to you?" His voice is pitching higher and Castiel hears the desperation in it, sees the pain in his face, but he doesn't know what Dean wants him to say.

"You had Lisa and a family, you were safe, and you were happy. I couldn't-" Castiel falters, but Bobby and Sam have ceased to exist and all he sees are Dean's eyes, begging him to explain. "If I couldn't give you those things, at least someone else could. I did everything that I did so that I could save this world. For everyone on it, yes, but for you."

"Cas, the price is too steep." A broken chuckle bursts out of the Winchester's chest and the sound grates at Castiel's nerves. The angel dreads what he will say next and it makes his insides cold in a way he rarely feels. "I'm not worth that."

Rage surges up against the dread and he steps as close to the holy fire as he can bear. He thinks it would be easier to cross than the schism growing between himself and Dean. "To me, you're worth everything."

Dean freezes in his spot, staring wide eyed and afraid in the face of Castiel's confession. They meet one another's gaze unwaveringly, unbothered by the heat of the flame or the distance between them. So much distance and yet Castiel thinks this is the closest they will ever be again. Demons roar in the distance, and Castiel knows time is short.

"You need to go!" He shouts over the storm descending on the cabin.

"We can fix this, Cas." Dean pleads. Something indefinable rubs the edges of his voice raw. It's some combination of devotion and fury he's never heard before. He thinks that if he could give the right answer that Dean would take him back, perhaps gradually grow to trust him again. "Don't do this to me."

It's barely a whisper, but it thunders in his ears as if Dean had prayed it. He's not doing this to Dean, though. He's doing it for himself. Someday, Dean may understand that, or he may not, but he's worth the sacrifice.

"It's not broken."

It may not be, but when Dean looks back at Castiel one last time, he is.

**Author's Note:**

> I've decided to fit these into the plots of the stories, so they aren't always gonna end happily or be resolved depending on where in the plot they are, even with the confession. I hope you enjoyed :) 
> 
> Comments always appreciated and come visit me on [tumblr](http://a-mountain-ash.tumblr.com/)!


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